I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
