I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
