This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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