So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
