Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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