If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
