I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
