Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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