Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize