My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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