Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize