i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
