..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
