Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
