Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
