Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
