I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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