my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
