you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
