I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
