Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
