His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
