I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
