I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
