clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
