We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
