The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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