I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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