Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
