mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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