Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
