I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
