Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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