I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Panties = found
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
