this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I wear drunk well.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize