It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
