Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I look better un-naked...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
