Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Randomize
