I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
