i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
