I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
