i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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