Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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