The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
