hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
It's just like the Real World with babies
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
