I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
