You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
