I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
