Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
