i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
