More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
