chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
