Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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