carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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