So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
