I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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