Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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