Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
