LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
