She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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