He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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