is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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