Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
