you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize