so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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