So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
bring money and cleavage
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
