He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
