"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
