Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
