Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
