New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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