just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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