they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
