what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
