the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
