splinters make it hard to masturbate
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
