She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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