Having a random hookup so left but love u
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
