Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize