The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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