So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
