Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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