my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
