Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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