sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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