I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
