Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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