oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
