just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
