Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
