update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We had sex on a dog bed..
Is her dick bigger than yours?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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