I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
