i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
