The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
