I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize