just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
