just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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