With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I party with great urgency now.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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