So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize