What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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