i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
